The Indispensable Guide to Writing Nothing for 6 Months

Follow this handy guide for absolute inactivity.

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Photo by Mike Tinnion on Unsplash

Set that alarm and get up early!

It’s a well-known fact that getting to work as quickly as you can after waking up in the morning is a fantastic method of kickstarting any creative pursuit. So what you want to do here is open up the YouTube app as soon as you possibly can and hurl yourself into the bottomless pit that is the ‘recommended’ section. Why yes, I do need to watch the 2013 World Tree Felling Championship Final.

Go cycling.

gif by Weather Underground

Plan time wisely.

In the middle of your hectic day, you suddenly find yourself with a spare half an hour. What should you do with this little nugget of opportunity? Sit down to write, right? WRONG WRONG! As much as you’d love to sit down and get some writing done, you’re probably not going to be able to get much done in such a small space of time. After all, you’re a creative butterfly who needs the freedom and time to spread your wings and let the fountain of literacy pour forth from your fingers… You don’t work well on a schedule or under pressure. You simply don’t have the time. Instead, this is the perfect time to fit in another episode of that show you’ve been binging today. With the right level of commitment, you’re bound to get through the whole season by this time tomorrow. If you’re feeling particularly productive, you can always multitask and google whether butterflies even have fingers. (They don’t. But they do taste with their feet…)

Get enough sleep.

But only just enough to physically function. This final step is perhaps the easiest. If you have followed all of the steps so far, then I’m sure you’d be hard-pressed to mess this one up. If you find that you are sleeping too much, a fun little trick I like to do is to combine any last-minute app-cycling and binge-watching right before I try to go to sleep. Make sure your screen brightness is set to its maximum and whatever version of’ night-mode’ your phone has is switched off. You really want to be blasting your retinas with as much light as possible to inform your brain that sleep is absolutely not on the agenda!

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Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash
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Thanks for reading, here’s something else I’ve written that you might enjoy;

And the best thing I’ve read today, written by Betsy Ramser Jaime;

Script reader/editor, freelance writer, photographer and pizza enthusiast. No pineapple. Instagram @bradley_allen_photography

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